Composite

Coming into the AmeriCorps world you might question how you can possibly be thrown together with a group of random people and make life work for you for 10 months. It isn't easy, as some of you may have realized from some of my previous posts, but it is doable. I was lucky enough to have a permanent team that has somebody my closest friends on it. Even though my team will deny feeling it a lot of those people are starting to feel like family to me. 

Even with all the love I have for my team we are a complicated bunch. When I was approached about composite team I jumped at the chance to have a little distance from the tension that surrounds my highly passionate team. I was given two weeks with some of the hardest working, funniest, and most sincere group of people I've ever had the opportunity to work with before. If your someone close to me reading this I want you to know I spent two weeks laughing and exploring Northern New York. And for those of you thinking about joining the Corps I encourage you to do it and try not to take moments and opportunities like this for granted. 

I'm sad to be heading back to reality today but with reality comes some many great things that are coming. Next my team will be tackling work in Conneticut and Massachusetts. For me I'll be anxiously awaiting the arrival of my Nephew in just over a month. Life has a way of giving you everything that you need when you need it. This time with my composite team (Seahorse 1) was necessary and I'm so thankful I was sent here. 

For my Nephew: Graeme, if you stumble across my blog in 20 years and you are wondering if you can handle adventures like these and chances like I've taken in my 20's, you can do anything. Don't ever question, do. I hope you take adventures that are bigger than any I ever thought of take because I know even before your born that you'll be successful and if your not you can count on Auntie to help you with whatever you might need. 

Somewhere near Albany

I'm currently leaving the adventure I've been on in Baltimore City with my team and the Southeast CDC to embark on a new short journey in the Adirondack mountains. After being approached to be on a composite team in the mountains it was hard to wait the 3 days I was given to prepare to leave. This trip is only going to last a little longer than a week but I excited about the prospect of seeing something new. 

Before coming into this program I traded some of my goals for what I thought I wanted at the time. Spending time in Baltimore allowed me to get back to those goals. I found the passion I had for community outreach. I don't know what else this journey has in store for me but for now I'm excited to be in a van with my new composite team heading for a new mini adventure. Here's to whatever comes next. 

Bumps in the road

We've been in Long Island now for just shy of a month and recently it has been a struggle for me. My struggle isn't a result of the work we are doing. I have found a new level of contentment working to return families to their homes after they have been displaced for so long. In reality my troubles seem trivial compared to the problems hurricane Sandy left in it's wake. Mostly I find myself struggling with the loss of freedom I once had to pick and choose who remains a fixture within my life. For the most part I have been connected to my team on a level I did not foresee since entering AmeriCorps NCCC but the dynamics have recently been altered. This shift has led to a rising desire to go back to a place where I can more easily escape to or be surrounded by the most important people in my life. 

As a "people person" I often feel the need to connect to those around me. I have yet to find a way to do that with my new teammate. How do you connect to someone who shuts off any civil avenue of communication? How do you stay hopeful without getting your hopes up? This is something I have had difficulty with for the majority of my life, believing in the potential of people rather than the reality of them. As difficult as this situation is I am sticking to my goal of restoring my faith in people. 

The last few years having been preparing me for situations like this, for the rewards and the struggles associated with a risk. Ultimately I came here to make an impact  and although this last week has been challenging my ability to keep that in the forefront as I navigate my way through the new form bumps on this journey. Like anything it's a process. I'm missing things at home. The knowledge that I'm going to have a nephew, the death of a family member, all of the little moment that are mixed in with the big ones. I'm make sacrifices to be here hoping desperately that all of it will be worth it, that it is worth it for those families who can sleep in there homes because of the things I did. So that's where I am on the road of my life. I'm somewhere between struggling to keep believing with a dangerous amount of hope that everything is going to be better soon. 

CTI (Corps training)

A month has past since I've sat down and got out all of my new experience.  I'm sitting in the back of a van on the second day of our travels from Mississippi to Long Island to do work with NECHAMA. For the next couple of months we will be finishing the build on houses that were ruined in Hurricane Sandy helping this community finally get back on their feet. If you would have asked me four years what I would be doing at 22 I don't think this would have been anywhere on my radar. 

After a horrendous journey down to Mississippi with delays, missed flights and missing luggage I arrived in Jackson, MS as an NCCC member serving on the Atlantic campus. After getting to our sister campus I realized quickly that nothing was ever going to be the same again I just didn't know how much could change in only 4 weeks. In just 4 weeks I didn't just meet new lifelong friends but people that quickly became my family. I have learned tangible skills like first aid and CPR but more importantly I learned that (or confirmed) my long belief that everything has lead me to this back seat, of this van, with these people. 

I know this journey won't be without a few hiccups but I've never felt more alive or more at ease with who I am than I am in this moment. I don't know what New York will bring or where I'll be in 9 months but for now I'm happy, healthy and ready to serve. 

The Beginning

I won't start by telling you who I am or where I'm from, most of you know that already. I'm not going to write out a long list of details about what I'm doing or where I'm going because those things are almost certain to come up multiple times through this new journey. What I do want to tell you is why I feel like this moment has been waiting for me my whole life. As I sit here anxiously counting down the time I have left until I get on the plane at 6 am tomorrow (9 hours, 48 minutes) I have never felt more secure in a decision than I am in this one.

The last 4 and a half years of my life I have spent learning more about the kind of person I am, the kid of person I want to be, and most importantly what I want to do with the time I've been given. It hasn't been the easiest time in my life but it has been eye opening. I have found that even at my highest points I have lost some of the faith I had. Mostly I find that I struggle more often to see the good in people. As an optimist I always believe that its there so part of this journey is to hopefully help me find that faith in people again.

More recently I have been thinking about family, something that I hold in high regard. In my large family of well over 30 people I have been blessed with some of the most amazing people to teach me the important things in life and I owe most of who I am to them. When I considered what my next step would be after getting a degree I thought of the little ones in my family. The kids that look up to me and believe in me, the ones that I am having a role in shaping were some of the first people I thought of. What message do I want them to get from what I am doing with my life. I got that answer just recently when my sister told us she was pregnant. I decided then that I want my niece or nephew to see that they can make a difference and know that I part of me is hoping to change the world for them, to make them proud to have an aunt like me.

Those are some of my more selfish reasons. In reality I just want to give back to people who haven't been as blessed I have in this life. That is the ultimate goal. It was always the goal. Get to a point that I can give a part of my self back to the world. Whether that piece of me changes 1 or 100 live I would know that it was all worth it and that I did what I wanted to do. So here is to the start of something new, something I always knew was a part of me, something I thought I might have lost along the way, and the part of my self I will look back on one day and be the most proud of.

The next chapter starts now...